i could eat cereal pretty much all day forever

you cannot unironically wear red and khakis and expect me to not think you just came from your shift at target

i think it should be illegal to have 2 tests first thing in the morning after superbowl sunday, like what the fuck is that

in other news coconut water is amazing for hangovers and dylan says i’m the cutest and also most lovable drunk in the world aw

oh god

dylan texted me and invited me to his superbowl party later

oh god

i have never been so intimidated by someone’s attractiveness before EVER i am so ready for this

go to gym

beasting it out when this super gorgeous guy walks up

i’m like okay act cool act cool

he’s like hey i haven’t seen you in here before what’s your name

in my head i’m like oh my god is this a joke you look like a fucking abercrombie model why are you talking to me i have zero makeup on i’m sweaty as fuck i reek and i look like a zombie

but instead i say oh yeah i just signed up not too long ago i’m chelsea

and he’s like oh well i’m dylan i’ll have to show you the ropes sometime chelsea, what’s your number

in my head i’m like oh god what’s my number what’s my number what is my NUMBER do i even have a number do i even have a phone what is that on my shoe why is he talking to me oh god what is my number

but i tell him my number and he says great, i’ll see you around chelsea

and he smiles and it’s like a billion angels just came down from heaven and are serenading me and hand feeding me chocolate WHAT IS MY LIFESAKFHSAGFJKSAFAJSFIIEWHKAS thank god i wore my yoga pants today they make my butt look outrageous

i get these epic nosebleeds and when they’re over it always looks like i just killed somebody, i have blood all over my hands and my face I LOOK LIKE A CANNIBAL